Two weeks ago I broke for the umpteenth time since diving into “the cannabis industry” with both feet. For me, breaking is when the mind, body, and soul lose all sense of identity and are swallowed by the hopelessness of HOW.

HOW is likely something on many minds of cannabis operators in April of 2022.

How can I possibly do what I know I must?

How turns to WHY?

Why am I even doing this?

Thank God I’m broken – now I can quit.

As I give in to quitting, a weight is lifted, and my shoulders drop long enough to realize I don’t remember the last time they did.

Today in California many cannabis farmers, distros, retailers, and manufacturers can no longer afford not to sell their businesses, their homes, and their livelihoods. No license type is safe from taxes and regulations. Large companies aren’t investing in good business practices, good employee practices, or good products and smaller companies can’t afford to invest in anything but survival. The game is simple for them – outlast Mom & Pop and buy their lives cheaply when they are broken. That is their American Dream. Consumers are bombarded with the bells and whistles of marketing and will be distracted and satisfied for some time before they become educated and demand better. Do we have that much time?

When my body relaxes and fills with oxygen I’m able to feel my spirit and hope returns.

But the WHY lingers.

I wasn’t always broken. Why would I at my most powerful, most connected, and most sure of my collaboration with source, choose to dive into chaos, uncertainty, and fear?

Watching the sunrise over the valley of trees, feeling the wind nip at my face it finally becomes clear.

Cannabis has been a universal sign of connection in a world I wasn’t welcome in.

Cannabis got me off the streets.

Cannabis brought my chosen family.

Cannabis opened my eyes to different cultures through a lens of shared experience.

Cannabis replaced the 13 prescribed chemicals eroding my quality of life, allowing me to work through chronic illness and trauma recovery.

Cannabis led to holistic plant medicine to stop me from overdosing on THC.

Cannabis called me to Humboldt, where my senses are at peace, my soul is on fire and my ambitions are possible.

And finally, Cannabis provides an “industry” where I can show up as myself and have a chance at equity in all senses of the word.

As someone who has been uncomfortable in most jobs for being too outspoken, too ambitious, too natural, too desirable, not desirable enough, too authentic, or my personal favorite…too Kentucky

 – I’m tired of changing who I am to make a living.

Getting back to answering the WHY question…

Until another “industry” can make it just as clear that I am safe, respected, and applauded as my whole authentic self, I will lace up my boots, get back to center, and go to war for this plant, these people, and what our culture represents.